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the after-eater

This post is not for those who can completely restrain themselves. Not for those who are never tempted. Not for those who diet completely by the book or set of rules they have laid for themselves. Now that we laid that out, I am sure you are all still reading. I have decided to devote this post to my next nemesis. I picked this up while nannying for the most amazing twins in the world and have carried it into my life as a mommy. I am an after-eater. A garbage disposal. The trash compacter. The analogies could continue. My daughter is 13 months old, she is under-weight and I have been instructed to feed her a very high-calorie diet. That is where my first problem starts. I have to try everything I feed her. Honestly, I do. How do I know if the oatmeal is sweet enough or cool enough? A bite here, a bite there. The problem is that the food she is eating is fully-loaded. Most children only eat a few bites of their food and therefore I have to get every calorie I can into those few bites. There-in lies my first problem. Not taste testing everything even though it is in my motherly nature. Unfortunately that is only the first half of the problem. The second part of the problem begins with the end of the meal. After those few bites have been consumed, there is usually a very large portion left-over. I can't just watch that food go to waste. I mean, kids are starving in some far away place and if I don't eat Capri's left-overs...they'll still be starving. I know, the logic isn't there. You're probably thinking, why don't you just save the left-overs? I do. I save what hasn't touched the tray of her high-chair. It just so happens that most of the food does touch her tray. All of this being said, I plan to stop taste-testing Capri's food and to possibly begin composting our left-overs. Laying waste to the waste of my waist. Let me know if any of you compost or know much about it!

hydration frustration

130 ounces...16.25 cups...10 water bottles...That is the recommended amount of water I consume every day. This seems attainable as long as you carry a glass/water bottle/ or thermos with you at all times. It is hard for me to find a place for one of these aforementioned items, let alone find a chance to guzzle it down while I carry a 15lb child, her diaper bag, and whatever other random toy she has attached herself to on that particular day. I feel as though I have it a little easier than some. I am not a pop-drinker. I don't like most sugary drinks like Gatorade. In the past few years I have developed a very special place in my heart for an ice-cold cup of sweet tea. Since I began my regime I have been able to abstain from sweet tea drinking. It seems that because I have boycotted this long-standing form of hydration, I can't seem to force water down the hatch. I had no idea that my addiction had gotten this severe. As I walk past my mother's kitchen counter, past the gallon of sweet-tea she brews on a daily basis, I can feel my mouth salivating. I quickly take grasp of my water bottle to rinse away the desire and am sorely disappointed by the outcome. Its like gulping down nothingness. I try it with ice, still no good. I try it chilled, nope. Lukewarm, now I know what the analogy to being spat out of God's mouth was about. My next step is to find a way to be satisfied with my beverage choice. I know this one part of the battle that many of you have fought and won, so I would love your suggestions. I don't love most of the artificial sweeteners I have tried (splenda, truvia, equal, sweet n' low, etc..) If you know of a sweetener that is worth trying and super low cal, I would love to hear about it.

the battle of the binge

When I am emotional, I binge. When I am bored, I binge. I binge, binge, binge. I spend my entire day devoting myself to restraint. To eating the "right foods". When evening comes, I become the werewolf in the kitchen. This has been my second day's (today) batttle. I did slip some tonight but I have to say that I have done better than I have on other days. The fear of spilling my dirty secrets to all of you has kept me from letting them getting too shameful. In a way, knowing people are watching me or the simple fact that I am watching myself is keeping me accountable. I cannot explain how great it feels to know people understand me and support me in this battle.

eat that, perception

Self-perception is everything. The way I view myself is not the way you would view me. It's not the way God, my daughter, husband, family, and friends view me. I see fat, I see unlovable, I see embarrassment. This is the hub of my struggle with weight. I eat because it's easier to feel this way, to wallow in the self-pity, to never change. I am lazy because I allow depression to rule my every movement. I'm over it. I don't want to be unhappy. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be confident. I want to be beautiful in my eyes too. I have laid out my diet and exercise plans, now it's time for the make-it or break-it part of the pyramid. I can't accomplish anything without changing my thought process. This part of the plan could get a little touchy for some of you, but hey, it's my blog. I plan to start finding myself in Christ. The way he views me. The way he loves me. I plan to make it part of my diet plan. I have decided to begin reading a book called "So long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. Also I plan to include a daily quiet time and devotional. I want to learn to find my security, my value, and my strength in my Savior. I know that following the three plans I have set out for myself (on the menu, the run-up and the run-down, and eat that, perception) that I can change my life in a great deal of ways. I don't feel that I can do any of them separately and succeed. They are all dependent upon each other. I am ready for this journey, let me know if you want to join me!

the run-up and the run-down

I don't exercise. This is another part of my life that needs to change. I personally become a different person when I exercise on a regular basis. Partially because I have more confidence because of the weight loss results I see, partially because of the simple fact that exercise releases endorphins that simply make you a nicer and happier person, and partially because we are not meant to be sedentary in nature. Our bodies need exercise. I plan to begin by choosing a more rigorous exercise plan titled "slim in six". Once again, I have used this plan and know that it works for me because of the past goals I have accomplished...and slowly destroyed over time. I believe that I have failed to mention that I am the mother of a beautiful 1 year old girl, who I delivered as a C-section, and have since been using as an excuse not to work-out. The day has come when I have to sacrifice my laziness for the sake of my well-being.

on the menu

I need to be more healthy. Plain and simple. I eat horribly. I feel tired ALL the time. To combat this, I plan to change my eating habits. Easier said than done, I know. So I am going to lay it out for you right away. There is a company called MXI corp. This particular company produces what is known as "Xocai Healthy Chocolate". I have been let in on a great opportunity to start using a weight loss system that will not be launched to the public until August. The system consists of eating two shakes a day and limiting your calorie intake to 1200 calories for a woman and 1500 calories for a man. I personally know that this particular system works for me because I actually started it 2 weeks ago and lost 7lbs and 1.5inches off my waist in 1 week... I know what you're thinking, "okay, why aren't you "skinny Danielle" yet then?" It's called self-sabotage, my friend, and I will be talking to you about that more later. When something works, it may change you and if you're not ready for change, you will make sure it doesn't work. I am ready to change now and I am ready to be held accountable and hold those who need it accountable also.